Communication fouls up everything…and…helps make everything work! My personal conviction from Genesis (see Babel incident) is that God put a judgment on communication so we wouldn’t accomplish near so much (and gloat in our own press releases!). Well, here’s a little way in which we flunk communication 101 as we battle the judgment.
We tend to assume that
DISAGREE = DON’T UNDERSTAND
Have you noticed how often people keep telling you and telling you something…and you simply disagree? The reason is simple; they think you don’t understand. I’m mean, let’s face it, “if you understood me, you’d surely agree with me!” Of course, this presumes we are right.
What would happen if you really began to explain to people exactly what you understand them to be saying to you? What would happen if they BOTH knew you understood their view AND disagreed with them?
It’s pretty obvious…you both could talk about the real issues and maybe get somewhere instead of explaining, and explaining, and explaining!
That’s one beauty of my friends who disagree with the Bible…it often means they at least understand something it says well enough to disagree with it. Sometimes, I think we believers are actually busy agreeing with things we don’t understand (but that’s another discussion).
Fred Lybrand
Fred,
I appreciate the post. I have noticed the same thing. It gets even weirder when people ACT like they don’t understand, doesn’t it?
I do think sometimes people misunderstand and end up ‘disagreeing’ with something else besides the real issue under examination. I know I sure have done it a few times. 🙂
Rose,
I think you are right on target. Over the years I’ve developed a technique for helping folks communicated by getting them to separate FACT from OPINION…amazing things happen then. I probably should post a little about that too!
Peace,
FRL
Good thoughts on the post Fred. I think the principle applies to more that just disagreements on the Bible and theology. I have seen this principle work itself out in church leadership as well. People will bring the same complaint/issue/idea/suggestion to you thinking that you must not understand since you are not in agreement.
I think you could take it even farther than just disagree = don’t understand
It might also look like:
disagree = didn’t listen
disagree = didn’t value me or my thought
disagree = doesn’t like me
disagree = thinks I am ignorant
The implications of this principle can be devestating when people become emotinally connected to their opinions and comments that they have to share with leaders. I agree that we are wise to use clarify their meaning and come to a full understanding of what they have to say so they feel understood and valued and then wisely and patiently explain why we disagree.
Hi Fred,
Your thought is excellent: “What would happen if you really began to explain to people exactly what you understand them to be saying to you?” What would happen? We’d begin to obey James 1:19 and we might find out that a lot of times we really HADN’T understood each other because we hadn’t really been listening.
And then we could at least disagree intelligently.
And who knows, we might even come closer on some issues.
Oh, and maybe even reflect God’s character a little better!
David Curtis,
Hey…good thoughts. In my experience, most of these motives aren’t really going on with people (but we sure think so)!
Most people tend to be exceptionally subjective, which means they think they are right just because they think it. If two people agree about something, then they think they are REALLY right!
It would be nice if we really understood the other view…so we could then loathe it from knowledge!
FRL